Let’s flash back a bit.

It’s Friday, October 9th. 

I’m in the back of my parents truck red faced, and sweating because I’m so nervous. 

How I was feeling: 

Let’s fast forward: 

It’s day two (of training) and I’m already struggling. 

I miss home.

I miss my family.

I miss the comforts of things I was so ready to leave behind.

I didn’t want to share these struggles because it made me feel weak.

Actually, I still don’t want to share these struggles because of pride but i know that He is made great in my weakness so here we go....

When I got to training camp I was anxious and sad. Before leaving I hadn’t let myself process what was about to happen because I stayed pretty busy- big mistake.

These things mixed with the emotional wrecking ball that is training camp (in the best way possible) created the perfect storm inside of my head... and it was only the second day. 

 I was about to be like Dorthy, click my heels, and scream ”THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME” 

Day three I isolated myself in my mind because I felt like I was betraying myself by feeling this way. If I said it out loud, it made it true. 

Thankfully the Lord didn’t allow me to stay inside my own head, lonely, believing lies, and ready to walk away.

Breaking down in front of my squad on day three was definitely not on the agenda but after getting over the embarrassment, I’m thankful the Lord brought all my fear and suppressed emotions to the front. 

I was met with love from this group of people I didn’t even know. 

It was weirdly really cool. Even though I was showing them what I felt like was one of the worst parts of myself- my ugly crying. 

That’s something that I’ve learned living in community- these people see the good, the bad, and the ugly but they want to walk beside you in life. They carry your burdens along side you. 

Thanks God. 

He grows us because He loves us.

He doesn’t want us to stay where we are or how we are.

He created us for more. 

So here’s to the next 10 months walking in those great things that bring really really hard lessons. 

Where the process ain’t pretty but the growth comes out of His love for us.